letters from the past 21
Monday, May 18, 1998
Hello Bebek,
I just looked up how many letters I wrote to you. This is the 19th. There are three of them that I never sent. I think it's time for the following two. You will see from the dates on them when they were written. Read them first then come back to this, would you?
Now you know how felt right before I came to Edinburgh and right after you told me you decided (or re-decided) to come over to Istanbul.
And to tell you the truth, I still feel very wounded about this relationship. You hurt me and let me down knowingly so many times. I see no reason why you should be different now. How do I know you won't just leave in a month or so?
The only difference that I see (( you are exactly the same as you used to be…just kidding) is that you use to push me away when you were feeling down, and now you seem to need me. I will gladly always be there for you, can you say the same for me? I don't know.
This time is no joke. It's not just a "let's go to Istanbul and it will be fun". It's real life and I don't want you to run away at the first obstacle. It's not going to be peachy at
first but I can promise it will be grand in a year or two. I have to know that you will stick with me through the hard times.
We will have to figure out a way to please my parents about this whole thing and it is not going to be easy. And you will have to do the biggest part of this because you ruined what could have been a really good relationship between you and them.
I know these are not the things you want to hear from me now. You want me to tell you everything will be all right and that I love you and miss you and I can't wait to see you. Well, yes yes yes to all those. But I still won't be with you if you don't show me that you can take responsibility of your life and that I can count on you.
Let me know what the doctor thinks about you. I hope you solved the drinking problem. If not, do you think you should talk about this too?
I read that sun is good for psoriasis, now that it's summer maybe you should take regular sun bathes? And what is the other problem you are having with your skin?
We will talk in details about what kind of a place you want and how much you want to pay for it. I still think you should get a furnished place for a month or two, until you decide where you want to be (Istanbul is so widely spread, you'll be surprised) and start buying the basic appliances and furniture. It also makes a big difference whether you have a car or not. I know it is a long way but maybe you should consider bringing Lucy over or sell it put some more money and buy another one?
Don't worry about things Bebek. Just try to think clearly. What you are doing now, editing I mean is really going to help you solve a lot of financial problems and will help you move here and make a home and start a new life, so as much as you don't like it it's the first step you have to take. Don't let it get you down at the contrary think of it as a great opportunity, remember how desperate it looked just a month ago.
There is one more option I will mention. You won't like it. I don't know how much money you will get at the end of this six week job, but I know that you owe a little over $6000 not counting the part that I paid since November. You may want to clear this all together before you come over. And also you should have $5000 to $10000 with you so that you are comfortable until you are set up here. So, if another job comes up in Edinburgh I think you should take it. (I knew you wouldn't like this idea, but please consider it.) I will not be here for a part of July and it may be best if you waited until I came back. In August my parents won't be in Istanbul so I can spend more time with you and look for a place etc.
I love you very much and won't leave you alone. All I am asking you is to try to think about the long term and see where you want to be, not do anything in the spur of the moment because you want a change in your life or because there is a crisis and you just want out. It's your life Baby and it's time to arrange it. There is a chance it will be wonderful. All in your hands.
I will stop before I sound too much like an R&B song or a shrink.
Don't answer all this right away because then I'll know you did not think in depth about them.
E
(Wouldn't it be funny if the signature was Andrea or something and the letter was sent to the wrong address and was meant to a different person?)
Hello Bebek,
I just looked up how many letters I wrote to you. This is the 19th. There are three of them that I never sent. I think it's time for the following two. You will see from the dates on them when they were written. Read them first then come back to this, would you?
Now you know how felt right before I came to Edinburgh and right after you told me you decided (or re-decided) to come over to Istanbul.
And to tell you the truth, I still feel very wounded about this relationship. You hurt me and let me down knowingly so many times. I see no reason why you should be different now. How do I know you won't just leave in a month or so?
The only difference that I see (( you are exactly the same as you used to be…just kidding) is that you use to push me away when you were feeling down, and now you seem to need me. I will gladly always be there for you, can you say the same for me? I don't know.
This time is no joke. It's not just a "let's go to Istanbul and it will be fun". It's real life and I don't want you to run away at the first obstacle. It's not going to be peachy at
first but I can promise it will be grand in a year or two. I have to know that you will stick with me through the hard times.
We will have to figure out a way to please my parents about this whole thing and it is not going to be easy. And you will have to do the biggest part of this because you ruined what could have been a really good relationship between you and them.
I know these are not the things you want to hear from me now. You want me to tell you everything will be all right and that I love you and miss you and I can't wait to see you. Well, yes yes yes to all those. But I still won't be with you if you don't show me that you can take responsibility of your life and that I can count on you.
Let me know what the doctor thinks about you. I hope you solved the drinking problem. If not, do you think you should talk about this too?
I read that sun is good for psoriasis, now that it's summer maybe you should take regular sun bathes? And what is the other problem you are having with your skin?
We will talk in details about what kind of a place you want and how much you want to pay for it. I still think you should get a furnished place for a month or two, until you decide where you want to be (Istanbul is so widely spread, you'll be surprised) and start buying the basic appliances and furniture. It also makes a big difference whether you have a car or not. I know it is a long way but maybe you should consider bringing Lucy over or sell it put some more money and buy another one?
Don't worry about things Bebek. Just try to think clearly. What you are doing now, editing I mean is really going to help you solve a lot of financial problems and will help you move here and make a home and start a new life, so as much as you don't like it it's the first step you have to take. Don't let it get you down at the contrary think of it as a great opportunity, remember how desperate it looked just a month ago.
There is one more option I will mention. You won't like it. I don't know how much money you will get at the end of this six week job, but I know that you owe a little over $6000 not counting the part that I paid since November. You may want to clear this all together before you come over. And also you should have $5000 to $10000 with you so that you are comfortable until you are set up here. So, if another job comes up in Edinburgh I think you should take it. (I knew you wouldn't like this idea, but please consider it.) I will not be here for a part of July and it may be best if you waited until I came back. In August my parents won't be in Istanbul so I can spend more time with you and look for a place etc.
I love you very much and won't leave you alone. All I am asking you is to try to think about the long term and see where you want to be, not do anything in the spur of the moment because you want a change in your life or because there is a crisis and you just want out. It's your life Baby and it's time to arrange it. There is a chance it will be wonderful. All in your hands.
I will stop before I sound too much like an R&B song or a shrink.
Don't answer all this right away because then I'll know you did not think in depth about them.
E
(Wouldn't it be funny if the signature was Andrea or something and the letter was sent to the wrong address and was meant to a different person?)
posted by Goldfish @ 7:12 AM
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