letters from the past 20
Part Two
5/8/98 11:06:05 PM
Hello Charley,
This is probably is not the ideal time of the day for me to write a serious letter to you but I thought what the heck I'll edit it if I have to (which is just kidding myself because I know I won't have time for it).
When I came back from Edinburgh I was in a very bad shape. It's because I was very concerned about you: your physical and mental health also because something felt very wrong between us. There have been times like this before when I tried to be closer to you and you just wouldn't let me. The only difference now is that I won't try anymore. I am tired of trying to understand every strange thing you do, all of them very selfish and all the decisions you make changing overnight everything we planned together. I am not going to just be somewhere for you so that you can come and go, say you will be there then disappear for months then change your mind and call me over then be distant then change your mind again and come over…and God knows what else next.
I can not trust you nor count on you for anything. I don't think you ever thought about us in making any decisions. I have been disappointed so many times. I may even be late in saying no. Looking back at the last two years, I remember so many instances when I was miserable because of us. Why insist? You told me more than a few times that you don't want me anymore (then took it back, it's so you!). I cannot deal with your ups and downs anymore. I have mine too, but I never turned them on you, my up and downs never hurt our relationship, at the contrary I always turned to you when I felt down and thought it would help to be close which it did. You on the other hand tried to put the blame on me every time you felt bad about yourself, your job, and your life.
At this point in my life, from now on I should say, I want things to be smooth in my life. I want to be able to trust the person I am with. I don't want to worry about a ghost-boyfriend who may show-up or not, even if he shows up he won't stay long and I'll never know what will become of us the next morning. I don't feel I have that strength anymore.
I am sorry that I am not sharing your enthusiasm about coming to Turkey. To be with me, you are 8 months late. And what could have been fantastic 8 months ago, just is not anymore. I wish things turned out different then they did but I did all I could to save this relationship and saw that it's not enough coming from one side only. We all pay for the wrong decisions we make; I am not going to pay for the decisions you made though.
I love you very much and I really really wish there could be an "us".
I'll keep in touch and I hope that you pay your debt soon.
Love,
E
5/8/98 11:06:05 PM
Hello Charley,
This is probably is not the ideal time of the day for me to write a serious letter to you but I thought what the heck I'll edit it if I have to (which is just kidding myself because I know I won't have time for it).
When I came back from Edinburgh I was in a very bad shape. It's because I was very concerned about you: your physical and mental health also because something felt very wrong between us. There have been times like this before when I tried to be closer to you and you just wouldn't let me. The only difference now is that I won't try anymore. I am tired of trying to understand every strange thing you do, all of them very selfish and all the decisions you make changing overnight everything we planned together. I am not going to just be somewhere for you so that you can come and go, say you will be there then disappear for months then change your mind and call me over then be distant then change your mind again and come over…and God knows what else next.
I can not trust you nor count on you for anything. I don't think you ever thought about us in making any decisions. I have been disappointed so many times. I may even be late in saying no. Looking back at the last two years, I remember so many instances when I was miserable because of us. Why insist? You told me more than a few times that you don't want me anymore (then took it back, it's so you!). I cannot deal with your ups and downs anymore. I have mine too, but I never turned them on you, my up and downs never hurt our relationship, at the contrary I always turned to you when I felt down and thought it would help to be close which it did. You on the other hand tried to put the blame on me every time you felt bad about yourself, your job, and your life.
At this point in my life, from now on I should say, I want things to be smooth in my life. I want to be able to trust the person I am with. I don't want to worry about a ghost-boyfriend who may show-up or not, even if he shows up he won't stay long and I'll never know what will become of us the next morning. I don't feel I have that strength anymore.
I am sorry that I am not sharing your enthusiasm about coming to Turkey. To be with me, you are 8 months late. And what could have been fantastic 8 months ago, just is not anymore. I wish things turned out different then they did but I did all I could to save this relationship and saw that it's not enough coming from one side only. We all pay for the wrong decisions we make; I am not going to pay for the decisions you made though.
I love you very much and I really really wish there could be an "us".
I'll keep in touch and I hope that you pay your debt soon.
Love,
E
posted by Goldfish @ 7:09 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home