letters from the past 7
Part I
Thursday, December 25, 1997
It's Christmas day. It does not feel like one over here, but people are getting ready for the New Year's Eve.
You just told me that you needed to see other people. I am writing right away because there is a million things going trough my head not to mention my heart (which is not feeling very good right now as you can imagine- then again maybe you can't imagine). First thing I have to say is you are not "my Charley" anymore. I'm not saying this in a childish anger. It's very simple, if we see other people, we are over. But from everything you told me I get the feeling that in your head and heart "we" have been over for a while.
I agree that long distance relationships are not easy, some may eventually work but most won't. Besides I don't want to have a long distance relationship anyway. I don't believe in them. Like you said, after a day of hard work I want to be in someone's arms too. But only someone I love. The difference between us is I thought we could somehow be together after a while. I thought in a year or two we can arrange our lives in the same city. I never said I have to live in Turkey from now on, I can go anywhere, who knows. And I thought for a year or so we can manage to be alone, if we get to see each other regularly. It's not so hard, we are only 3 hours away, it can even be a weekend trip. All these thoughts, plans and wishes are going down the drain. What a pity!
I know sex is a basic need. We couldn't have asked each other not to eat or sleep, so it is the same for sex. If it came to the point of exploding, there is nothing I can say about it. I am not going to say "go ahead and do it and I am OK with it". Because I am not. I am not OK with thinking of you in some girl's arms after a day of hard work (or light work for that matter). This is how relationships and love are born whether you accept it or not.
I loved you very much Bebek. But I love myself too. I am not going to put myself through the torture of knowing you are touching someone else tonight just like you held me once, telling her the same things you told me. This is just too much to ask.
Once in a tequila night, I had told you I did not sleep with enough people until now. I always thought it is an important experience and you learn something from each one. But I never thought about this all this time that you and I have been together. Maybe this is my chance at it.
This is my immediate reaction. I feel something very cold in my chest.
Something I never thought I could feel about you. Should I be happy you were honest? I don't know.
Endings are always sad, aren't they? But I don't want to hurt.
Like I said, we should do something about the marriage also.
Be safe.
Part II
Then you call again! Do you realize how long it has been since we last spoke twice a day?
Bebek, you mean so much to me. It's incredible how much I love you. And how you can make me feel wonderful or miserable with just one word or with just the tone of your voice. This is too much power for someone to have.
And I want you so much. Even the thought of your touch makes me bzzzzzz all over, not to mention the dreams I'm having.
Now about the realities of life! They gave me a list of documents needed from the British Consulate. 11 of them only!!!
The ones you can help me with are:
-A copy of your passport and the proof that you have the means to take care of me during my stay.
-A letter of invitation.
On top of all this I have to prove that I have enough money, a job, a round-trip ticket, letter from my employer showing I am on a leave for those dates, photos, money…
It is so frustrating, I can't even begin to tell you. Please help me to get a permanent visa or a British passport, so that I don't have to go through this everytime.
So the official plan is: you are faxing me a copy of your passport and a letter inviting me over saying that I can stay with you during my visit. Address it to the consulate (but send it to me, or fax it) and say that you are working for such company in such position. Once I get the visa, the plan is; I am coming over on the last week of January. From the 27th on.
I'll go fax these now. Then go out and get my pictures taken with these puffy eyes. You are an Essek and you know it.
There was a song that went "Don't sit under the apple tree with someone else" That's all I have to say.
Whatever you do (and I still rather you did not), be careful.
PS. Ates said they are shooting on the fifth and probably coming to Edinburgh on the eighth. Finally you'll get to see Fusun. And the reason Ates does not get problems with the visas is he became a citizen. He asked me about the documents for Fusun's visa. I hope everything goes well.
Part III
They say Xmas time is the worst time of the year to be alone. People tend to be more depressed and melancholic. I would hate to be alone in NY in Holiday season. But Cookielo, you are not alone. You have a family (so they are not perfect. Whose family is?) You have "Beau the maximum" who is going to be there soon (probably is there by the time you receive this) and you have me.
I'm thinking about you so much that I'm sure some kind of good energy is reaching you from me. There is an invisible love line all the way from Istanbul to Edinburgh, even people who cross it by chance get the bzzz. Didn't you hear on the news, In Vienna, a goldfish and a cat got married, they even had a church wedding. Mistral decided not to blow so hard over southern France. Santa had a press conference and said he'll be back by the end of January on a bonus tour. Khaddafi decided to leave his political career and raise daisies in his backyard. In Iraq UN inspectors found cookie factories instead of biological weapon plants. Some monks in Normandy saw the moon get really close to Earth one night and put a light kiss on North Pole. Sisko the teddy bear saw a wide smile on my face the other night while alI these things were happening. (Hey, I'm using my right to be silly, OK?)
Can you believe Woody Allen got married to Sun Yi? Mia Farrow probably checked in a clinic when she heard this. (I know this has nothing to do with what we are talking about but it was big funny news of the day)
I thought I'd send you a sexy picture of mine. This is from the days when I was going around showing my titties. I admit that there was a time like this in my past, I am not ashamed of it. It is wise to come clean before newspapers find out about it and ruin my hotshot producer career in showbiz. No?
Sunday, December 28, 1997
Bebek, I am so excited about this new job. I can't wait and at the same time I am a little nervous. It's been so long since I had a real job. And people there liked me so much (for some reason) that when I called to say I'll take the job, Selda (she's going to be my boss) said she was very worried I might turn them down and waited her fingers crossed for the whole week! It's so sweet. I hope I am what they want. (I love you. I just felt like saying it) I still didn't receive anything you sent me. Yours till Niagara falls,
Thursday, December 25, 1997
It's Christmas day. It does not feel like one over here, but people are getting ready for the New Year's Eve.
You just told me that you needed to see other people. I am writing right away because there is a million things going trough my head not to mention my heart (which is not feeling very good right now as you can imagine- then again maybe you can't imagine). First thing I have to say is you are not "my Charley" anymore. I'm not saying this in a childish anger. It's very simple, if we see other people, we are over. But from everything you told me I get the feeling that in your head and heart "we" have been over for a while.
I agree that long distance relationships are not easy, some may eventually work but most won't. Besides I don't want to have a long distance relationship anyway. I don't believe in them. Like you said, after a day of hard work I want to be in someone's arms too. But only someone I love. The difference between us is I thought we could somehow be together after a while. I thought in a year or two we can arrange our lives in the same city. I never said I have to live in Turkey from now on, I can go anywhere, who knows. And I thought for a year or so we can manage to be alone, if we get to see each other regularly. It's not so hard, we are only 3 hours away, it can even be a weekend trip. All these thoughts, plans and wishes are going down the drain. What a pity!
I know sex is a basic need. We couldn't have asked each other not to eat or sleep, so it is the same for sex. If it came to the point of exploding, there is nothing I can say about it. I am not going to say "go ahead and do it and I am OK with it". Because I am not. I am not OK with thinking of you in some girl's arms after a day of hard work (or light work for that matter). This is how relationships and love are born whether you accept it or not.
I loved you very much Bebek. But I love myself too. I am not going to put myself through the torture of knowing you are touching someone else tonight just like you held me once, telling her the same things you told me. This is just too much to ask.
Once in a tequila night, I had told you I did not sleep with enough people until now. I always thought it is an important experience and you learn something from each one. But I never thought about this all this time that you and I have been together. Maybe this is my chance at it.
This is my immediate reaction. I feel something very cold in my chest.
Something I never thought I could feel about you. Should I be happy you were honest? I don't know.
Endings are always sad, aren't they? But I don't want to hurt.
Like I said, we should do something about the marriage also.
Be safe.
Part II
Then you call again! Do you realize how long it has been since we last spoke twice a day?
Bebek, you mean so much to me. It's incredible how much I love you. And how you can make me feel wonderful or miserable with just one word or with just the tone of your voice. This is too much power for someone to have.
And I want you so much. Even the thought of your touch makes me bzzzzzz all over, not to mention the dreams I'm having.
Now about the realities of life! They gave me a list of documents needed from the British Consulate. 11 of them only!!!
The ones you can help me with are:
-A copy of your passport and the proof that you have the means to take care of me during my stay.
-A letter of invitation.
On top of all this I have to prove that I have enough money, a job, a round-trip ticket, letter from my employer showing I am on a leave for those dates, photos, money…
It is so frustrating, I can't even begin to tell you. Please help me to get a permanent visa or a British passport, so that I don't have to go through this everytime.
So the official plan is: you are faxing me a copy of your passport and a letter inviting me over saying that I can stay with you during my visit. Address it to the consulate (but send it to me, or fax it) and say that you are working for such company in such position. Once I get the visa, the plan is; I am coming over on the last week of January. From the 27th on.
I'll go fax these now. Then go out and get my pictures taken with these puffy eyes. You are an Essek and you know it.
There was a song that went "Don't sit under the apple tree with someone else" That's all I have to say.
Whatever you do (and I still rather you did not), be careful.
PS. Ates said they are shooting on the fifth and probably coming to Edinburgh on the eighth. Finally you'll get to see Fusun. And the reason Ates does not get problems with the visas is he became a citizen. He asked me about the documents for Fusun's visa. I hope everything goes well.
Part III
They say Xmas time is the worst time of the year to be alone. People tend to be more depressed and melancholic. I would hate to be alone in NY in Holiday season. But Cookielo, you are not alone. You have a family (so they are not perfect. Whose family is?) You have "Beau the maximum" who is going to be there soon (probably is there by the time you receive this) and you have me.
I'm thinking about you so much that I'm sure some kind of good energy is reaching you from me. There is an invisible love line all the way from Istanbul to Edinburgh, even people who cross it by chance get the bzzz. Didn't you hear on the news, In Vienna, a goldfish and a cat got married, they even had a church wedding. Mistral decided not to blow so hard over southern France. Santa had a press conference and said he'll be back by the end of January on a bonus tour. Khaddafi decided to leave his political career and raise daisies in his backyard. In Iraq UN inspectors found cookie factories instead of biological weapon plants. Some monks in Normandy saw the moon get really close to Earth one night and put a light kiss on North Pole. Sisko the teddy bear saw a wide smile on my face the other night while alI these things were happening. (Hey, I'm using my right to be silly, OK?)
Can you believe Woody Allen got married to Sun Yi? Mia Farrow probably checked in a clinic when she heard this. (I know this has nothing to do with what we are talking about but it was big funny news of the day)
I thought I'd send you a sexy picture of mine. This is from the days when I was going around showing my titties. I admit that there was a time like this in my past, I am not ashamed of it. It is wise to come clean before newspapers find out about it and ruin my hotshot producer career in showbiz. No?
Sunday, December 28, 1997
Bebek, I am so excited about this new job. I can't wait and at the same time I am a little nervous. It's been so long since I had a real job. And people there liked me so much (for some reason) that when I called to say I'll take the job, Selda (she's going to be my boss) said she was very worried I might turn them down and waited her fingers crossed for the whole week! It's so sweet. I hope I am what they want. (I love you. I just felt like saying it) I still didn't receive anything you sent me. Yours till Niagara falls,
posted by Goldfish @ 11:57 PM
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